I have some hard choices to make and I really don’t like it.
I’ve said it before this live is hard. Almost a month ago I breed the two girls. But only one showed any signs of being pregnant. So I put a box in for her and put hay in everyone’s cage, even the boys. Yesterday was a busy day and nothing went as planned. Much like any other day. Lots work work, then getting the Girl to the doctor where we waited an hour just to get seen, then groceries, getting to church on time and getting home late from church. There was little time for the animals yesterday. I had done a lot of work the days before, but yesterday was feed and water only kind of day.
So last night as I’m checking food and water I see that the one girl had very little hay. I was going to put some in, but one of the kids needed something and I left. Everything that happen this morning is really my own fault and I’m kicking myself and mad at myself for what I found this morning in the barn.
First of all I was running behind even getting out there. The Max wanted food, The Girl wanted food, the fur babies wanted food, I had a huge headache, still do. I get to the barn and hear the sweet chirping’s of the fluffies. They were all accounted for and healthy happy babies. I come around the big brooder and see something on the floor by the rabbit cage. I realized it was a baby. OH CRAP. Then I look in and the floor of the cage is covered in babies and she showed no signs of caring for them. One or two had been chewed on. I am now in tears. WHY didn’t I just put hay in? WHY din’t she make a nest? WHAT the hell am I doing? These are the kind of mistakes that break my heart, make me question everything I’m doing. Some would say, “What’s the big deal? Your going to eat them anyway.” Yes, that’s the plan, but I’m doing this so I limit the amount of suffering they do before they become my food. But here all I saw was suffering, suffering that I was a part of.
I had to pick up the babies and bury them. I’m sorry for making them suffer, I’m sorry that their mother did not take to being a mom, but now comes the difficult decision about what to do with her. Everything I’m ever read or heard that once they eat their babies, they will do it again. This was not in the plan, this was what I pushed from my thoughts of raising rabbits. This I do not want to do. But I will and it will break me, but this is the live I chose, this is how it really is.
I’m on a couple of facebook groups about raising life stock and see many people who raise for food, but want to pay someone to do the killing and processing. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I mean Katie doesn’t do the killing, but she knew she had someone who would do it and she is fine with the processing. But now looking at my rabbit and knowing her fate I’m struggling and understand a little bit. I know I will do it, because it is mine to do. I won’t like it. I have to remember this is what I chose and I have to stand by my decisions. Good or bad.
Tomorrow will be better and I will learn from this. I truly love animals weather their for food or my friend. This afternoon I will be doing dome hard thinking about what I want to do and where to go from here. Homesteading isn’t always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes and many times it’s death and slip in shit kind of live, but I love it and will keep doing it. So here’s to a better tomorrow.